Hills and Valleys

Welcome to my annual "every 6 months" blog! That's not really what I wanted it for, but it seems to be what happens. Either way, tonight I wanted to write out some of my heart. God has laid John 15:4 on my heart and mind often lately and has me digging deeper. "Abide in Me, and I in you. As the branch is not able to bear fruit of itself unless it abides in the vine, so neither you, unless you abide in Me." Abiding. I'm comfortable with my business and my frantic schedules. I like to think I have a strong work ethic and I'm useful. I like to think I can do it all and be it all. However, in this season, "abiding" means quality not quantity. Meaning, how well I do things matters more than how much I do. "Abiding" means listening to my Father in Heaven. Not on the go, but in stillness. It means listening and not just talking. It means connecting with my Vine. Which leads me to my other point: My attitude/fr...

I have been sitting on this blog for awhile. I was hesitant to share for many reasons ... judgement, shame, and second guessing myself.  However, today I heard a sermon from my church, Lifepoint Church of Fredericksburg. The pastor said, "The enemy can keep you broken as long as he keeps you silent." It is in the isolation and the silence that our shame is all too real.  But you know what, Jesus didn't die for me to live ashamed. He didn't rise again to let hope die. We were made to be real so we can be fully alive in Jesus. There is a song by I AM THEY that every time it comes on the radio, I just worship. The song is called "Scars." I worship because I know how true that song is in my life. I worship because I understand and feel God's goodness. But then ... I get out of my car; and shame returns. I say shame because only shame makes us hide. Fear may drive us to hide but shame keeps us there. The chorus of the song say...

Broken. Rejected. Bruised. Anxious. Frustrated. Sad. Misunderstood. Tired. These words and more describe how I have felt lately. I am not writing this to get attention, sympathy, or even compassion. This post is because one of the challenges God has continually given me in the last 6+ months is to live authentically. To be transparent. Why? Because someone, somewhere, can relate to part of my story. See, I like my pride. I like how the makeup hides my dark circles and the night hides my tears. I am comfortable with how bitterness covers shame and sadness. I am secure behind my walls that block out what I really think and feel in the name of not being hurt. Again. I love looking like I have it all together.  I am uncomfortable with the truth. Because the truth is messy and hard. It brings tears and reveals cracks in my carefully sculpted mask of "all togetherness."  See, we all go through things that push us beyond what we ever thought we could endure. And it ...