Hills and Valleys

In my walk with the Lord, I am in constant conversation with the Father. I'm someone who goes to the grocery store and talks to God about the produce; or driving to or from work, I'll talk to Him about my day; or I'll be in the middle of something frustrating and just talking to God through it.  But the word, "conversation" implies a two way street of talking. And it's true, I often hear God talk back. It may be the stillness in chaos. It may be the sense of needing to do something that wouldn't make sense in my natural/logical mind. And sometimes, I hear the audible voice of God so clearly that I can't deny it's Him. Today, in the middle of the day, I was just going about my routines and heard clear as day, "Grow in grace." So, first off, let's be clear: I have received a ton of grace from the Father BUT I am not at all graceful. Physically and emotionally, I am a hot mess. Albeit a fun hot mess with coffee, glitter and Jesus, but st...

 Of all the things 2020 taught me, perhaps one of the most valuable was the value of self-care. We live in a fast paced culture; and while we are very self centered in general as a culture, we often neglect self-care. First, let's define self care. The Merriam Webster dictionary defines self-care simply as "care for oneself." Seems simple, right? I mean we all have similar needs --- food, sleep, drinking water, basic hygiene. But yet, sometimes in the business of life, the quality of even those things get neglected. We run a thousand miles an hour and do a hundred things and then wonder why we're burnt out.  Life is hard. That's a reality. But we don't always have to burn our candles at both ends. We are no good to a parched world, pouring from an empty cup. It might mean taking a walk, taking time to do my hair, making a nice meal that I like, or trying something new. On a deeper level, it might mean saying "No," creating boundaries, verbalizing you...

 2020 is winding down. In just a few weeks, we will be in 2021. What a year it has been! And when I ponder on this year, I see God's hand as a constant.  I often ponder lessons from my preschool kids as I work. Being a preschool teacher is something I get to do and something that brings immeasurable joy to me life. This week, they have enjoyed trying to balance on the rim around the playground. It's quite interesting. They like to try to do it themselves and aren't too bad at it but always wind up asking me to hold their hand. They think holding my hand is just to help them balance but it's also to break their falls and guide them. As their tiny feet balance on this rim, they are often shaky but confident and determine. My grip is dependent on their needs but I am ever present. They start to fall and I break it. It doesn't prevent them from falling but by breaking it, they get back up faster and with more confidence then if they were to fall on their own. I think fa...

Our eyes take in all sorts of things. Colors, motion, and emotion. Our eyes help us visually see things and people. I've been ever aware of my eyes this week. The beauty they take in. The pain they see. The other eyes they meet.  With masks covering faces, eye contact seems to communicate all the more. It is in eye contact that we feel seen. Today in the Wal-mart parking lot, a stranger and I made eye contact. A nod was exchanged and we acknowledged that we saw each other.  What is the point?  Do not underestimate or ignore what your eyes can see.  They see black and white and color. They see fear, sadness, happiness, and joy. We see things as they appear but what if we looked deeper? I see how I am white and you might be the same or different. Deeper is seeing we are all created by God and loved by Him. I see how you voted for this party or the opposite party. Deeper is seeing we are all living in this country and that is a blessing. I see how COVID and politics and...

If I could give you a tiny picture of the last few years, you would see a story woven with pain and heartache. Not completely, but a lot. Some my own making and choosing and some just how circumstances happened. Toxic relationships, job loss and changes, and a plethora of health issues. My therapist (which I highly recommend having one to anyone. Yes, you can still love Jesus and need a therapist) calls me "strong."  And I agree. I am strong. But this has been on my mind and is bothering me so here we are writing. My generation is entitled (overall) but there is a much bigger movement at play...victimization. The culture around us in the world right now claims victimization for everything. People as a whole feel the wrongs they experience follows them. Defines them. Takes over them.  That to me, friends, is a depressing thing. See, in victimization we almost always default to survival mode. In survival mode we are just trying to make it. We are trying to fight against out dem...

 Goodness, haven't we all learned something from COVID-19! From general things like what professions are essential to the day to day function of our world. To how we are social people, even as introverts. To adjusting to social distancing and masks everywhere. However, I believe we all have learned some very personal things about ourselves as well. In that, there is room to grow.  Here are some things I have learned and grown in: 1. My worth. This is probably the biggest and most life changing one. As well as one of the biggest works in progress. COVID-19 challenged me in where I find my worth. Like many people, I like working and people interactions. COVID-19 cost me jobs and well, a pandemic is not really a social place. It left me hitting rock bottom several times. Like many people, I battled depression due to the circumstances. It was hard; brutal even. But then something happened. God began scrapping layers back in my heart to reestablish who I am. I am of value. I am lo...