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A Matter of Identity

I love writing. Sometimes though, writing is hard. It takes effort to find just the right word. Recently, I feel God is challenging me to write again. So, please bear with me. My writing may be a bit rusty, and I may still disappear again for another six months, but for tonight I want to share what is on my heart.

For my twenty-first birthday I got a tattoo that says, "Beloved." It is a constant reminder that I am God's beloved (Romans 9:25 and Isaiah 43:4). However, a word written on my wrist cannot replace the words engraved upon my heart.

Unworthy.
Ugly.
Stupid.
Not worth it.
Not enough this or that.
Loved for what I do not who I am.
Not seen much less understood.

Who told me these things? Well, I suppose at the root of it all, I did. 

When someone treated me a certain way or said something, I chose to take on a title. Maybe they flat out said I was one of those things. Maybe I just felt a certain way and took on whatever word came closest to what I was feeling. Somehow though, I allowed those labels to sink into my soul and become engraved on my heart.

Some may call this "low self-esteem." I don't believe that touches the root of the issue but merely one of the fruits. 

I believe my main issue comes in my identity.

As a Christian, all I have to do is read Genesis 1:27 about how "God made us in His image" to see that I am special. Turn the pages over to Jeremiah 29:11 and I can see that God has a plan for my life and not just one to make me useful but to prosper me and give me hope. Then, I'll just hop on over to Psalm 139 to see I am fully seen, known, and deeply loved.

Yet somehow, these truths became things I just read and couldn't believe. They were things said about me but not who I am. 

Why? Because when the words of hurt hit my soul, I believed them. I exchanged truths for lies. 

BUT...that's not who I am! 

What, then, do I do?

Replace lies with truth. Oh, but what a struggle it is to rip up weeds by their roots! Yet, when I merely tear at the leaves of the weeds but not the roots, the weed remains.

I have to rip out the weeds and plant flowers. I have to choose to believe what God says about me. I have to put my faith over my feelings and the words of man.

Understand this is a process. Weeds can be a lot easier to let grow because they just grow. Flowers need maintaining. 

My heart and soul need maintaining.

I have to feed my soul good things to make the flowers grow. I have to put on the full armor of God (Ephesians 6:10-18) because it really is a battle. Often, I lose. 

Please bear with me as I become the woman God wants me to be. God is working, trust me on that. 

I am a enough.
I am loved.
I am precious.
I am beautiful.
I am smart.
I am chosen.
I am a work in progress.
I am a child of God!



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